At Home

I'm sitting at home right now flipping through the Pottery Barn December catalog that just arrived. Derek just left to go to an LCA girls soccer game. They are in the final four of the state. I feel like I should have gone, but I just got home from work and would leave and probably wouldn't get home til at least 10:30 or 11. Also, I feel like someone needed to stay with Moose. He's been in his crate all day and if I left he would be in his crate all night. Then he will be in his crate all day tomorrow, and tomorrow night Derek has to work and I will be at the Young Life banquet so he will be in his crate again. Then on Friday he will again be in his crate all day and all night since we have a young life leadership meeting right after work and an LCA football game that night.

One of the reasons we got Moose was so that we would be home more often. It seems like that hasn't so much happened, now we have just added guilt for keeping him in his crate too much. At the beginning of the week I was feeling such freedom since I no longer have to study. It is amazing how quickly that free time fills up with stuff. I mean there are just so many things to do. And its not like I feel like I am so important because there are things to do. I feel blessed that God has put us in the ministry of young life to share our lives with teenagers. But sometimes it all gets overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder how we can keep this up. I wonder if we are just being busy human doings and not human beings. All of these things are good things, and they bring us joy, but they also leave us exhausted.

I'm not really sure where I am going with this except that I just felt like I needed to get these thoughts out. I hate that I feel guilty for not going to a girls soccer game. But I also hate that if I did go my dog would have spent all 5 days and 4 out of 5 nights this week in his crate. I don't like that I won't get to spend any time with Derek today or tomorrow or much on Friday. I just kind of feel overwhelmed. But I am glad I chose to stay home. I'm glad I can make myself a healthy dinner instead of eating junk food on the way to a soccer game. I'm glad I can take Moose for a walk. I'm glad I can re-clean my house that was sparkling on Friday and has now reverted back close to what it was before. I'm glad I can spend some time reading, or blogging or just being, not doing anything. I'm glad I can go to bed early and maybe not be quite so exhausted when I wake up at 5:45 tomorrow morning. Sometimes I just need to say no. And know that that's ok. That it doesn't make me a bad person or young life leader or whatever. And remember that just because this is a particularly busy week doesn't mean that next week will be just as busy. And that in the end all that matters is love. Everything else is just details.